dear kiroro my blog,
lame sungguh x menulis pnjg2 kat sini kan.
sorry kiroro..
jgn majuk eh.
kte agak pnt dgn rutin harian as a student,
plus tenet pun lembbbb je kan.
tu la x dpt nak update salu...
ok. now mmg dah x tahan, mmg rase kene luahkan somewhere.
nak luahkan kat kwn2 or fmly or a person, MALUU and malas nak bcerita.
so biarlah tgn ini berbicara..*cewah ayat xley bla plak huhu*
xpe,xde org bace blog ni kan. so kte xkesa..
plus, if ade org bace pun, biarlahhhh...
this is just bout myself...
the things that i couldn't express in real world,
let me express it alone here(virtual world) with u my blog,kiroro...
the truth is, I miss_____.........
:"((
i miss our old sweet conversations too.
:":((
we are soooo Far apart now i guess.
:"((
i dunno why.
i dunno what did i do wrong.
what inside his mind.
he forget me already?
he already found other girl is the one for him? not me?
:"((
i can't prevent myself from thinking all the negatives ones. whyyy?
not bcoz i'm not a positive person,i am a positive person actually.
but when it comes to heart matters,,, i dun hv any confidence.
bcoz i know he doesn't love me. i know i'm not physically beautiful like other girls,
i know typical men would love girls with beautiful face,body etc.
i know many girls are liking him.
but i'm surely not. i love him. *haa hambik ko,terus terang sgt dah ni*
even if he will be not perfect physically for instance one day, i am willingly to care for him.
i want to be with him in every moments. sad or happy, rain or shine... i want to be his other half. REALLY. why he never sees me as the one ?????
:"((
i dunno what to do anymore. i'm giving up,perhaps yes perhaps no.
i never have this feeling with other guys.
i dunno what did he do to me, to make me love him this strong lillahitaala.
it is love at the first sight, since 2006.
is it my fault for loving him ?
i never ask this feeling,this love or whatsoever.
this is a gift from Allah to me. i careeee a lottt to all persons who i love.
including him.
but,,,,
he doesn't feel the same way i think.
that's the only problem.
oh god,this rainy day makes me feel so terribly sad :"((
cloudy clouds just like my heart,my love.
so much for the love.
sad enough right having a crush........
why i can't ever forget........
i'm trying 1000000000000000000000000000 times u know,kiroro.
i make myself busy as president, spending time with my luvly family n friends,
try to forget all sweet things and memories we ever had,
i remembered all hurtful things,
just for the sake of him.
he doesn't want me to love him. so i hv tried.
but,FAILED .ok FAILED.
:"((
sakit......ya Allah,sakit..
x sgke mmg dugaan sy plg bnyk dlm perhubungan...tp aku reda ya Allah,
alhamdulillah ats sgla ujianmu..
aku mohon ya Allah,andai dia utkku, kau satukanlah hati2 kami hnya kerana dan utkMU,
kau dktkanlah hati2 kami...titipkanlah kemesraan antara kami...
tapi.........
andai mmg die bkn utkku,
kau jauhkanlah die dr igtn dan hatiku ya Allah.....
aku insan yg lemah ya Allah....
x sggup lagi aku menipu diri ini...mnggung derita perasaan ini...
i'm smiling outside, but inside....only Allah knows.this tears can't stop..sometimes,i can't hide it....
nevertheless, i am so grateful i hv wonderful family and friends who always support and cherish my life.
without them, perhaps i will be in doomed always.... hate that.
i'm used to be a happy go lucky person,seriously.
before i'm trapped in this kind of feeling..........
now,mybe i'm more matured. oh no.
should be written as over matured actually. *sigh*
dunno it's a good thing or not.
still ,i'm prefer being a kid or a child. dun hv to think anything.
Allah..i miss him..i can't hide this feeling anymore..i can't stop these tears..
i miss the OLD him..
the one who cares bout me a lot,
the one who always jokes around,
the one who reminds me to do good things,
the one who never bored with my stories,
the one who guides me whenever i did wrong,
the one who shares everything with me,
etc etc etc.
oh my god..
Fafie,please snap out of it,girl !!!
don't dream anymore!
things will never be like old times anymore..
he already met many girls, all beautiful than youu...
you ar nothing laaa to him,farah !
snap out of it !
people change, indeed. :"((
u must move on with ur life.
if he doesn't want u anymore, what to do...ur fate maybe,fafie.
hope there will be a rainbow one day. i hv faith in Allah. alhamdulillah.
thanks Allah for making me a stronger person from day to day, i think so.
i'm more matured now.
it just...a human can't avoid form her/his fitrah. i'm a human too.
i want to be loved too, u know.
~end~
kiroro ,thanks for giving me this space to write my feelings.
i can't tell him i miss him in real world. it will just burdening him.
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